It has been a long, emotional journey, but I've been getting through it with God holding me up during my weak moments. I have my days when I'm happy and content with where God has me in life, but I also have days when I long and desire for more. I have learned to find full contentment in Christ, but I still crave that presence of a significant other, to share words, experiences, laughs and so much more with. I long for companionship. God has been there for me through it all and has helped me on this path, this chapter in my life.
I do not know what God has planned for my future. I would like to think it includes a godly husband, children and a life in Africa (or overseas). None of those are promised to me or guaranteed. As hard as it is to admit and say that, it's truth. It allows me to lay aside those possible distractions and come back to the present and turn to Jesus and find contentment in Him and choose to have Him fill my wants and desires.
He is gracious, loving, beautiful, forgiving, peaceful, almighty, amazing, a provider and a comforter. He has been my strength through this past year and I am ever so thankful. I have seen who He is and I stand in awe. Each day my love for Him continually grows and my desire to know Him more intimate grows beyond anything I ever thought possible.
I struggle with my flesh each day and it is so frustrating. So many times God has allowed me to overcome my fleshly desires and the more often I choose to do so I strive to do so every time! It's a challenge and I fail multiple times, but as amazing of a feeling it is to act and respond Christ-like is a beautiful feeling! One longing I have right now is to act, respond and be more Christ-like in all that I do. It will definitely be a challenge, but one I am willing taking on.
As much as I want and long for a husband and a family, I need to focus on the things Christ has planned for me in my life right now. It's tough to not be distracted by the things around me and I want to see what Christ has for me. I don't want to miss what He has for me to do right now. As I come to focus more on what God is saying to me, I will live my life for Him and continue to trust in who He is and what He has.
♫ Set a fire down in my soul, that I can't contain, that I can't control, I want more of You God, more of You God. There's no place I would rather be, than here in Your love ♫
