Bitterness Eating At My Soul

Bitterness: resentment; a feeling of deep and bitter anger and ill-will.
   Doesn't just reading that word and definition make you feel horrible and cringe? I know that's what it makes me do. For several several months now I have had this bitterness tucked away inside of me that I have recently discovered. This bitterness was towards a person . Also what I learned is that because I had bitterness towards this person, I had anger towards God. 
   I was at a bible study this past week and our leader began to talk about how God will bring people into our lives and how He allows us to be vulnerable with them. It can be a difficult thing to be vulnerable with someone, because you are allowing them to see the complete you: your heart, emotions, reactions, dreams, desires, character, the list goes on. We as humans are scared to share those, because we don't want to be hurt. But God desires for us to not be alone and that is why He blesses us with relationships: family, friends, significant others. Sometimes it takes time to build that trust with someone and that's okay. Sometimes we don't have the same trust between certain friends and certain family members and that's okay too. It is so very important to be vulnerable with people though, because God teaches things to us by doing so. 
   Last semester was horrible. I was not on the right path with God, even though I talked like I was and on the surface I might have looked like I was. But the truth? I had strayed. I am only recently seeing that part of the reason for my straying was my hidden bitterness and anger. What has been brought to my attention is that I was angry at God for allowing me to be vulnerable with this person that I trusted and shared my dreams with. The anger and bitterness began to build as soon as that person failed me. My heart was broken and a piece of me was gone. I couldn't understand how God would let that happen. I'm sad to say that at the mention of this person's name I would cringe and feel disgust. I didn't know why, but it was how I felt. I didn't care to talk about them or talk to them. Resulting from this, I made some pretty stupid decisions. The way I acted was hateful and inconsiderate and selfish. I was angry. 
   God is amazing though. He can transform someone within minutes. He transformed me within minutes. As soon as my bible study leader talked about her experiences and views, the bitterness and anger surfaced and at that second I could feel myself changing. I could feel myself letting go of those two things. I had never once thought that God would allow us to be vulnerable with people that may not stay in our lives and that we will go through heart break because He has something to teach us and that might be the only way we will learn it. I was aware that by meeting this person I had learned quite a bit from them and that after they left and I made those stupid choices I learned from those. After the bitterness and anger left me I could see some of my learning experiences so much clearer and in a positive way, not a negative way anymore. By going through what I went through, it's what has got me to where I am at today and I couldn't be more thankful!