Lord,
You are good. You are love. You are faithful. You are reliable. You are my happiness.You are my heart's desire. You, Oh Lord, are my everything.
I praise You and thank You for all the blessings You have bestowed on me, but I thank You mostly for the people You have placed in my life.
The past few years You have helped me to put down my pridefulness and be able to ask others for help when I need it. It's such a hard thing to do as human beings, because we see it as a sign of weakness. In fact it is just the opposite. If we are able to reach out and ask our brothers and sisters in Christ for help, that shows signs of strength. We are able to lay aside our pride and depend on our Christian family to help carry our burdens, which You said we should not carry alone.
Lord, in the past few days, and even weeks, You have reminded me of those who are reaching out to me and longing to help me and take care of me now. Their small blessings and encouraging and kind words towards me go a long way and I am thankful. These people will never know how much they've touched my heart and my life. I ask that You would bless them in return.
God, in the past few months You have been faithful and loving to me. I don't know why I continue to be surprised by You, but You amaze me everyday. You show me something new and something worthwhile and speak to me each day. It has kept life refreshing and full of happiness and positiveness. I've experienced my lowest of lows in life and during that time I was living life my way, not Yours. Without letting You have control of my life was the hardest thing I've experienced and I've just realised that. When You are in control, life may not always go the way I expect it, but You will not leave me or keep me in the dark. I desire to always rely and trust you wholeheartedly.
Father, You know the desires of my heart and what I most long for. As patient as I have been in certain areas of my life, I pray that I will be patient in these other areas of my life. Help me to be so lost in Your love that it would allow me and help me to wait. I've experienced and know that Your timing is always the best timing for my life and what You have planned for it. These longings are tearing at my heart and I ask that You would allow me to wait, patiently.
Lord, I love you with all of my heart.
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Friday, April 19, 2013
Walk By Faith, Not By Sight
In reference to one of my previous post on 'Praying and Trusting', I have a followup.
My decision that I was praying about was leaving College of the Ozarks. After praying about it for 3 1/2 weeks, God finally made His answer to my prayers ever so clearly. His answer was, "Yes." It was scary to hear this. This would mean the plans I had for my future for the next three years would change entirely. I would not be graduating from CofO with a degree in Nursing. So, what would I do? Where would I go? Well, with even more praying, surprise surprise, God answered me.
It began in February. I job shadowed a License Practical Nurse (LPN) at Skaggs Hospital in Branson. I had never known what an LPN was and didn't think twice about asking or doing research on it. About a month later I received an Ozark Technical Community College (OTC) announcement in the mail, talking about their new campus opening down the road in the fall. I looked at the piece of paper and saw that they offered an LPN programme. I held on to the paper for some strange reason.
One week later during spring break, I was working in the dorm office and a thought came to me - "What is an LPN?" I don't know where the random thought came from, but I began to do some research. After hours of reading up on LPNs, this joy overcame me and I never thought I would even consider becoming an LPN. It would be a step below a Registered Nurse (RN), which is what I'm heading towards right now, and I was okay with that. I felt an LPN suited me better. I talked about the possibility of heading in this new direction with my parents, my Pop and Cori. I prayed about this decision for almost two months. I needed a lot of answers from God if He was leading me down this road to become an LPN.
Where would I live during the summer and beyond that? How would I do financially with not currently having an off campus job? How will I get around with not currently having a vehicle?
I didn't know the answers, but I was trusting God and waiting for his response.
I soon remembered that two of my friends were moving down to Branson to attend the new OTC campus. An answer to one of my questions. My two friends and I talked about it and figured out that it would work out for us three girls to get an apartment in the area and split the costs. Well, a little time went by and we started some apartment hunting and found a good deal on one of them that we thought would be the best. God was taking care of us. {A place to live during the middle of the summer through the next year was figured out. Check.}
I began to pray about what to do during the first part of the summer - due to us not moving in until July. The semester ends the beginning of May and from then until July, where would I live? Where would I work to receive an income now and later down the road? As soon as I finish the semester I'll be visiting my sister for a week or so, but after that I am pretty much homeless. I began to worry about the whole situation. I knew that I shouldn't be worried, but I was. I began to talk to family friends and others to brainstorm and get some ideas for what to do. There was the possibility of staying with my aunt and working for her. There was the possibility of living with my friend's family and working for her dad. There was a possibility of being a camp counselor at a special needs camp that I had applied to. I wasn't sure what God had in mind, but I knew what I had in mind.
I felt I was trusting God completely in this situation, but in all honesty I was not trusting Him. It wasn't until after I withdrew from CofO (I'm staying to finish out the semester) that I realised I had been telling myself, "Okay God, You show me where You want me, but if You don't, I have MY backup plan." It dawned on me that that was what I was doing - not wholeheartedly trusting the Lord with providing me a place to live. As soon as I realised it, I broke down and asked God to forgive me for not trusting Him. The verse that immediately came to me was 2 Corinthians 5:7, which says: "Walk by faith, not by sight." I was stepping out into open waters now with no backup plans and no answers from God, yet. It was and still is scary.
I had withdrawn from the school this past Wednesday afternoon and as soon as I filled out the form to do so, I jokingly said to God, "Okay, where do I live?" expecting an answer right away. Thursday morning I was about to head to class when I got a phone call. About two weeks ago I sent in a really late application to Wonderland Camp to be a camp counselor. My expectations for hearing back from the camp was the next week. When they didn't get a hold of me, I figured I didn't have a chance. That would mean that possibility could be marked off the list. God had other plans. When I got the phone call, the man on the other end of the phone set up a phone interview with me for Monday for a position as a camp counselor! I feel really good about this and until I have my interview I'm trusting that God will work it out if He wants me there. If not, I'll continue to trust Him.{A place to live and work for the beginning of the summer. Check?}
My vehicle and transportation issue is also still being figured out. Until I can save money to buy a car of my own, I will have to continue to ask others for help. I have several friends who have allowed me to borrow their cars and I have my bicycle to get around town and I might possibly have a moped to get around town as well. We shall see though. {Transportation met. Check?}
The Lord is so amazing. He has been teaching me SO much this year that it's joyfully overwhelming! Most recently He has taught me to trust Him and wait on His timing. As difficult as it can be, it is so much easier knowing that you are not entirely responsible for certain decision making. Yes, we need to do our parts in life e.g. if we're jobless, go look for a job, and God will provide. Speaking of which, I still do not have a job in Branson for the last part of the summer and beyond, but I've been applying to different places and am hoping and trusting and waiting on God to hear back from one of the places. I know that God will take care of me financially, because He ALWAYS does.
I very much look forward to see what will happen in the next few weeks. My life will be completely different. I'll be going from: working, sleeping and getting an education in one place, to working, sleeping and getting an education in three different places. I know that with these changes come different things. I may lose the stresses that I have now, but will gain different stresses with this transition. I will have to begin to make payments and fend for myself and not have my security blankets anymore. But, I will still have my amazing friends close by and support from my family. And as always, God will be constant in my life.
My decision that I was praying about was leaving College of the Ozarks. After praying about it for 3 1/2 weeks, God finally made His answer to my prayers ever so clearly. His answer was, "Yes." It was scary to hear this. This would mean the plans I had for my future for the next three years would change entirely. I would not be graduating from CofO with a degree in Nursing. So, what would I do? Where would I go? Well, with even more praying, surprise surprise, God answered me.
It began in February. I job shadowed a License Practical Nurse (LPN) at Skaggs Hospital in Branson. I had never known what an LPN was and didn't think twice about asking or doing research on it. About a month later I received an Ozark Technical Community College (OTC) announcement in the mail, talking about their new campus opening down the road in the fall. I looked at the piece of paper and saw that they offered an LPN programme. I held on to the paper for some strange reason.
One week later during spring break, I was working in the dorm office and a thought came to me - "What is an LPN?" I don't know where the random thought came from, but I began to do some research. After hours of reading up on LPNs, this joy overcame me and I never thought I would even consider becoming an LPN. It would be a step below a Registered Nurse (RN), which is what I'm heading towards right now, and I was okay with that. I felt an LPN suited me better. I talked about the possibility of heading in this new direction with my parents, my Pop and Cori. I prayed about this decision for almost two months. I needed a lot of answers from God if He was leading me down this road to become an LPN.
Where would I live during the summer and beyond that? How would I do financially with not currently having an off campus job? How will I get around with not currently having a vehicle?
I didn't know the answers, but I was trusting God and waiting for his response.
I soon remembered that two of my friends were moving down to Branson to attend the new OTC campus. An answer to one of my questions. My two friends and I talked about it and figured out that it would work out for us three girls to get an apartment in the area and split the costs. Well, a little time went by and we started some apartment hunting and found a good deal on one of them that we thought would be the best. God was taking care of us. {A place to live during the middle of the summer through the next year was figured out. Check.}
I began to pray about what to do during the first part of the summer - due to us not moving in until July. The semester ends the beginning of May and from then until July, where would I live? Where would I work to receive an income now and later down the road? As soon as I finish the semester I'll be visiting my sister for a week or so, but after that I am pretty much homeless. I began to worry about the whole situation. I knew that I shouldn't be worried, but I was. I began to talk to family friends and others to brainstorm and get some ideas for what to do. There was the possibility of staying with my aunt and working for her. There was the possibility of living with my friend's family and working for her dad. There was a possibility of being a camp counselor at a special needs camp that I had applied to. I wasn't sure what God had in mind, but I knew what I had in mind.
I felt I was trusting God completely in this situation, but in all honesty I was not trusting Him. It wasn't until after I withdrew from CofO (I'm staying to finish out the semester) that I realised I had been telling myself, "Okay God, You show me where You want me, but if You don't, I have MY backup plan." It dawned on me that that was what I was doing - not wholeheartedly trusting the Lord with providing me a place to live. As soon as I realised it, I broke down and asked God to forgive me for not trusting Him. The verse that immediately came to me was 2 Corinthians 5:7, which says: "Walk by faith, not by sight." I was stepping out into open waters now with no backup plans and no answers from God, yet. It was and still is scary.
I had withdrawn from the school this past Wednesday afternoon and as soon as I filled out the form to do so, I jokingly said to God, "Okay, where do I live?" expecting an answer right away. Thursday morning I was about to head to class when I got a phone call. About two weeks ago I sent in a really late application to Wonderland Camp to be a camp counselor. My expectations for hearing back from the camp was the next week. When they didn't get a hold of me, I figured I didn't have a chance. That would mean that possibility could be marked off the list. God had other plans. When I got the phone call, the man on the other end of the phone set up a phone interview with me for Monday for a position as a camp counselor! I feel really good about this and until I have my interview I'm trusting that God will work it out if He wants me there. If not, I'll continue to trust Him.{A place to live and work for the beginning of the summer. Check?}
My vehicle and transportation issue is also still being figured out. Until I can save money to buy a car of my own, I will have to continue to ask others for help. I have several friends who have allowed me to borrow their cars and I have my bicycle to get around town and I might possibly have a moped to get around town as well. We shall see though. {Transportation met. Check?}
The Lord is so amazing. He has been teaching me SO much this year that it's joyfully overwhelming! Most recently He has taught me to trust Him and wait on His timing. As difficult as it can be, it is so much easier knowing that you are not entirely responsible for certain decision making. Yes, we need to do our parts in life e.g. if we're jobless, go look for a job, and God will provide. Speaking of which, I still do not have a job in Branson for the last part of the summer and beyond, but I've been applying to different places and am hoping and trusting and waiting on God to hear back from one of the places. I know that God will take care of me financially, because He ALWAYS does.
I very much look forward to see what will happen in the next few weeks. My life will be completely different. I'll be going from: working, sleeping and getting an education in one place, to working, sleeping and getting an education in three different places. I know that with these changes come different things. I may lose the stresses that I have now, but will gain different stresses with this transition. I will have to begin to make payments and fend for myself and not have my security blankets anymore. But, I will still have my amazing friends close by and support from my family. And as always, God will be constant in my life.
Things to Remember
This past weekend, my best friend, Cori, and I took a road trip to St Louis to visit my grandparents. It was filled with adventure, wrong turns, shopping, the zoo, seeing old family friends, quality time and a lot of time for enjoyable conversation. I hadn't realised until the end of the trip that God was showing me things and teaching me things the whole weekend.
First of all, I am so thankful and blessed to have an amazing best friend who I can confide in, trust, enjoy conversation or silence with, communicate well with, and so much more. I realised how important it is to have friends to be able to do these things with. God puts people into our lives for a reason. He gives us friends to fellowship with and to encourage one another. This trip was a way God blessed me in allowing quality time (which is one of my receiving love languages) with someone who means so much to me!
Sunday, Cori and I visited my old church, Have Bible Will Travel. I hadn't been there in over two years, so it was so good to be back and see familiar faces and be in a familiar environment. Now, Have Bible is not your typical church - it's a biker church. The rough and tough people with tattoos; the ones who have drug and prostitution and drinking backgrounds - yeah, it's different, but it's what I grew up with when my dad started it several years ago. During our time there I had so many flashbacks and it reminded me how much I truly missed being around those types of people. It made me more appreciative of having had the opportunity to grow up with accepting people as they are, no matter what their background.
This was Cori's first time experiencing this type of environment and at the end of our visit there she shared with me that she loved it. She loved being around those who come as they are and how real they are giving their praise and worship to God and shouting 'amen' to everything they agreed with from what the pastor shared. The people were friendly, welcoming and non-judgmental. As Christians we are called to be Christ-like, which means not judging others, but sadly we are some of the ones who are the most judgmental towards others. It doesn't matter what your appearance is at church. You don't have to look like life is together for you. You don't have to look your best. We are called to 'come as we are' to worship our Father and give him praise. These are some of the things you find at Have Bible.
This trip showed me that I need to begin to really watch myself when it comes to judging others. It showed me that strengthening a friendship is so important. I was able to listen to Cori's thoughts and her point of view on the weekend and what God was teaching her. It was a wonderful get-a-way from campus and much needed. I pray that God allows more times like those in the future.
First of all, I am so thankful and blessed to have an amazing best friend who I can confide in, trust, enjoy conversation or silence with, communicate well with, and so much more. I realised how important it is to have friends to be able to do these things with. God puts people into our lives for a reason. He gives us friends to fellowship with and to encourage one another. This trip was a way God blessed me in allowing quality time (which is one of my receiving love languages) with someone who means so much to me!
Sunday, Cori and I visited my old church, Have Bible Will Travel. I hadn't been there in over two years, so it was so good to be back and see familiar faces and be in a familiar environment. Now, Have Bible is not your typical church - it's a biker church. The rough and tough people with tattoos; the ones who have drug and prostitution and drinking backgrounds - yeah, it's different, but it's what I grew up with when my dad started it several years ago. During our time there I had so many flashbacks and it reminded me how much I truly missed being around those types of people. It made me more appreciative of having had the opportunity to grow up with accepting people as they are, no matter what their background.
This was Cori's first time experiencing this type of environment and at the end of our visit there she shared with me that she loved it. She loved being around those who come as they are and how real they are giving their praise and worship to God and shouting 'amen' to everything they agreed with from what the pastor shared. The people were friendly, welcoming and non-judgmental. As Christians we are called to be Christ-like, which means not judging others, but sadly we are some of the ones who are the most judgmental towards others. It doesn't matter what your appearance is at church. You don't have to look like life is together for you. You don't have to look your best. We are called to 'come as we are' to worship our Father and give him praise. These are some of the things you find at Have Bible.
This trip showed me that I need to begin to really watch myself when it comes to judging others. It showed me that strengthening a friendship is so important. I was able to listen to Cori's thoughts and her point of view on the weekend and what God was teaching her. It was a wonderful get-a-way from campus and much needed. I pray that God allows more times like those in the future.
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Praying & Trusting
Recently I've been having to make decisions in my life that will affect my future plans. It occurred a little over three weeks ago when I felt God was showing me a new path to take in my life. I did some research and looked more into this new possible route I would take. The more I looked into it the more excited I became! I had to stop and meditate on the choices I would be making. I had to be sure that I would not be making these choices selfishly and that if I did decide on this path over the other it would be because it was from God and I was not trying to find the easy way out.
In trying to decide what to do in this situation I found myself constantly and vigorously praying for direction, guidance and answers. I have had those closes to me praying for me as well. During this time of praying, some things began to surface about what I would do to survive if I took this new path and if everything would really work out - job wise, money wise. I began to find myself worrying and trying to make everything workout. But due to the fact that I was praying about what to do and having that one-on-one time with God, He was able to remind me that: I need to trust Him with this! In my morning devotions it has talked about 'trust' a lot and praying and waiting and how we need to stop trying to work everything out by ourselves. He is taking care of us always. I'm not going to lie, I am scared to take this next step and even hesitant. It'll mean I have to step out of my safety net. Am I ready to do that? Yes, I believe I am because I know God will be with me every step of the way.
I am trying to make it a habit that when I'm feeling down or uncertain or hesitant or burdened, that I need to take it to God immediately, because He does not want us to deal with these things on our own. He is there to uplift us and carry us! It has become easier with practice and it has been such an amazing reminder of how I need to live my life, not only in times of when decisions need to be made, but in our normal living too!
In other areas of my life, God is teaching me a lot about what it means to wait on Him. It was very difficult to wait on His timing at first, but it has become easier. It is a whole lot less stressful when I wait on God's timing instead of trying to make things happen on my time. I still have a hard time waiting, but I know that it will be worth it in the end! I believe the reason for this 'waiting on His timing' has become easier is because He has given me peace, He is teaching me to trust Him and I have seen His blessings and his work through tithing and prayer. I find myself falling more in love with my caring Abba each day!
::Jehovah-Jireh (another name for God in Hebrew, meaning: "The Lord Will Provide)::
In trying to decide what to do in this situation I found myself constantly and vigorously praying for direction, guidance and answers. I have had those closes to me praying for me as well. During this time of praying, some things began to surface about what I would do to survive if I took this new path and if everything would really work out - job wise, money wise. I began to find myself worrying and trying to make everything workout. But due to the fact that I was praying about what to do and having that one-on-one time with God, He was able to remind me that: I need to trust Him with this! In my morning devotions it has talked about 'trust' a lot and praying and waiting and how we need to stop trying to work everything out by ourselves. He is taking care of us always. I'm not going to lie, I am scared to take this next step and even hesitant. It'll mean I have to step out of my safety net. Am I ready to do that? Yes, I believe I am because I know God will be with me every step of the way.
I am trying to make it a habit that when I'm feeling down or uncertain or hesitant or burdened, that I need to take it to God immediately, because He does not want us to deal with these things on our own. He is there to uplift us and carry us! It has become easier with practice and it has been such an amazing reminder of how I need to live my life, not only in times of when decisions need to be made, but in our normal living too!
In other areas of my life, God is teaching me a lot about what it means to wait on Him. It was very difficult to wait on His timing at first, but it has become easier. It is a whole lot less stressful when I wait on God's timing instead of trying to make things happen on my time. I still have a hard time waiting, but I know that it will be worth it in the end! I believe the reason for this 'waiting on His timing' has become easier is because He has given me peace, He is teaching me to trust Him and I have seen His blessings and his work through tithing and prayer. I find myself falling more in love with my caring Abba each day!
::Jehovah-Jireh (another name for God in Hebrew, meaning: "The Lord Will Provide)::
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