The last few days I have been so encouraged and inspired by the music I've been listening to. While visiting my sister and brother-in-law in Lee's Summit last weekend I was introduced to Bethel Music. There is such praise, adoration and happiness found in their songs. Taking time to worship and acknowledge the Lord has to be one of the most uplifting things one can do during hard times as well as happy times. Singing about God and who He is and all He brings us is one of the most beautiful things in this world. Lyrics truly do have such a powerful impact on people and what kind of mood it can put someone in. The mood this kind of music puts me in is: happiness.
♪ This is what You do, You make me come alive ♪
My heart right now is filled with joy. The more I walk in this journey the Lord has me on, the more I am discovering about how faithful and trustworthy He is. I have messed up and taken detours in life recently and I have regrets and I have disappointment myself and I ask God, "How can You forgive me when I have let You down and been so selfish in my actions? How do I get out of these old ways of living? How are You going to use this later in my life?", etc. The answer to questions like these is simple - God is forgiving and He loves me despite the wrong I do and lets me go through certain things to experience more of who He is. I have to remember that each moment in life is a moment the Lord gives us to seek Him and all that He has planned for us.
There is joy in my heart, but there is also some fear. There are several unknowns in my future right now - schooling, career, marriage, place of living. Although I'm eager to know what these specific areas might look like and have moments of worry, I also have moments when that worry and fear are replaced by a peace that let's me not be concerned about what the future has to bring. It is tough to wait on the Lord's timing, but I've learned that His timing is always better than my timing (I usually realise this in hinds site.) Whatever each of those areas bring I know the Lord is in the process of molding me and preparing me for what is to come from each one. He is helping me to be more like Him and breaking me out of my fleshly habits, which has been more challenging than I thought it could be. He has given me a desire to be more like him and less like the ways of the world. Each day I have my struggles and feel like giving up and giving in, which I do sometimes, but the Lord is so faithful and encouraging that I know I can get up on my feet again, make it through and finish strong through my struggles. There is a lot the Lord has to teach me and prepare me for before I start in any of those areas in life.
One thing I'm trying to sort out is a backup plan just in case things do not fall through with the LPN programme this semester. My plan B is to reapply in the fall as well as apply to OTC's EMT programme. My thinking is that this might double my chances of getting my foot in the door somewhere, which is all I want to do at this point, but anything could happen. Things could easily change during this semester as well as over the summer. Should I look at other colleges to apply for their Nursing programmes? If so where all should I be applying to? Places in St Louis? Kansas City? Cape Giraradeau? The choices are endless. And what if nothing falls through, then what? I have no idea what results like that would mean for me. I know I need to take life one step at a time, but eish, it is tough.
Why do we waste so much time worrying about our future. God has each one of our live's in His hands and if we are living for Him and seeking His will for our lives, He will guide us each step of the way. There honestly shouldn't be any room in our lives for worry.
I'm ready for what the Lord has to bring me. My future is in His hands and I need to take pleasure in the days He has given me now and live life one day at a time.
"But when I am afraid, I will put my trust in You. I praise God for what He has promised. I trust in God, so why should I be afraid? What can mere mortals do to me?" Psalm 56:3,4
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